For many a long year, we thought The Associates’ Party Fears Two was the worst record ever made but we now know this is not correct.
The honour goes to Mr Guetta for the abysmal Clap Your Hands. An irritating dance beat opens the track before an annoying man intones: “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”. The kids’ nursery rhyme. Of the many songs that feature hands being clapped as an activity, they pick that one.
They say a financial bubble is about to burst when people start paying silly money for cars and other luxury items; musically it’s possibly when you record a rhyme for three-year-olds with no sense of irony.
You’d think someone would have taken him to one side and, if not “had a word”, at least smashed him about the head with a plank until he saw sense.
Luckily, this abomination comes as a bonus track, and it’s on an album that’s a remix of his earlier album, so it’s an unnecessary addition to an unnecessary album.
The original of Listen has some good tunes on it — we play it a lot in the car when we want something mindless — though this is what a Coldplay tribute band would sound like if they did pan-European dancefloor fillers.
The tracks are all presented in the same order as on the original — Dangerous (ft Sam Martin), then What I Did For Love (ft Emeli Sande) etc — except they might have been remixed. Or not; it could just be a ruse to remove money from punters who’ve addled their heads from over-dancing. CD2 is 56 minutes long and a continuous mix.
Being serious, this is aimed at a market that knows what it wants, which is easily digestible dance floor bangers. Mr Guetta meets that demand. As for the rest of you: buy something else, just remember to sing “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands” to a passing toddler.